The Deconstruction of Social Conventions & The 'Unlearning' Process

"All children are artists.  The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." ~ Pablo Picasso

Over the last several years of living life and observing human behavior, I have learned that we evolve through stages of construction and deconstruction -- of learning and unlearning -- where, at some point later in our lives, we come to realize that all we have learned may be some kind of illusion that has unnecessarily led us away from a path that began in the right direction... 

As I watch my two young children grow, I can see that their understanding and life perspective is clear and undistorted, which, in my opinion, is a form of profound wisdom.  This simple pureness, left uncorrupted, could help guide them truthfully and faithfully throughout their lives...

"It is a pity that, as one gradually gains experience, one loses one's youth." ~ Vincent van Gogh 

The gradual and consistent exposure to institutional education and social conventions, however, begins to erode at this pureness as we grow older.  A form of construction begins that is intended to be a preparation for entering "the real world."  As most of us learn later in life, this construction is flawed and our pursuit of truth and meaning in life may only come from the deconstruction of all that we have learned...

"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Our youthful resistance to join the workforce and to start climbing the corporate ladder is no mistake.  As we graduate from high school and college, our construction is yet incomplete so, with a shred of reluctance remaining, we jump into the stream of the 40-hour work week and begin "climbing the corporate ladder" for the next several decades of our existence.

As we observe others "working for the man" and, while we may still complain of our new fate, we learn to tolerate the stresses along with our peers as we find comfort in routine. 

We work for the end of the day; we long for the end of the week; and we live and work for the vacation, the promotion, and the retirement...

We have now been fully constructed by (and have graduated from) the school of social conventions.

We accept our fate because it is easier to follow the path of least resistance than find the path to a meaningful existence.

"It should be noted that children at play are not playing about; their games should be seen as their most serious-minded activity." ~ Michel Montaigne

At 39 years of age, having two young children and advising clients who are 45 to 75 years in age, I can see the full spectrum of age and the various stages of construction and deconstruction: 

When we are young, we are pure; we live firmly in the present moment; we see the possibilities rather than the limitations; our dreams are big and we believe in them; there is no difference between work and play; we see things for what they are, rather than what they are not; we use our imaginations; and money is an object, not a pursuit.

Our "middle-age" years tend to be the most stressful.  This is the time when we have lost ourselves; we have "learned" that money and material objects bring happiness; we confuse rewards with goals; we believe that dreams only come true for the few and "lucky;" our work and play are completely separate experiences; who we are and what we do are not the same; and we see the limitations rather than the possibilities.

"It takes a long time to become young." ~ Pablo Picasso

For the fortunate among us, we live long enough to experience the wisdom and deconstruction that comes with older age.  Recent studies have revealed that older people are happier and more content than those of us who are younger.

In old age, we realize that our middle-age pursuits were quite foolish; we allow ourselves to become children again; we care less about social convention and care more about priorities, such as health, family and giving of ourselves; we see that it is the journey -- not the destination -- that is important; and we understand that meaning comes before money and not the other way around.

"Live as though you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time." ~ Viktor Frankl 

Are we depressed yet?  My purpose with this post is to awaken a sense of self-awareness.  Everything you have read thus far is not opinion or complaint -- it is observation.

My perspective, especially from my parental and financial planning experiences, is not different from that of a psychologist:  The root of all our problems is the lack of meaning and purpose in our lives, which stems from a lack of self-awareness.  

I have discovered that, to find ourselves -- to find meaning and purpose in life -- it is absolutely essential to unlearn what we have learned.  I have observed that, generally, only the very young and the very old have the proper perspective on life and the space between is where we lose ourselves and our proper perspective.

To hasten our self-awareness, we must deconstruct what has been constructed -- we must engage ourselves in the process of unlearning...

"You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self.  Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them." ~ Richard Bach

We must unleash our "inner learning creature" and the "playful spiritual being" that is our true self.  To successfully unlearn, we must essentially become a child again...

Allow yourself to be amazed by small things; focus less on the past or the future and place yourself firmly in the present; as time and finance allows, make play and work the same thing; don't be afraid of risk; look at money as a reward but never as a goal or pursuit; allow yourself to daydream; and to believe those dreams can come true...   

Let the unlearning process begin...

Comments

[Dorian Wales @ The Personal Financier]

Great post. I can't help but think of the entire process as deterministic.

Do those of us who struggle through corporate lives, waiting for weekends and vacations only to retire and find we completely missed out on life really have a choice?

Can we really ignore social conventions and happiness in consumption?

Isn't our upbringing and social conditioning too powerful to ignore? Did our parents have a choice, at all, too raise us the way they did?

I believe it's evolutionary, bringing up the young to conform with society, whatever it may be.

Those of us who are able to ignore it will probably be diagnosed as "suffering" from a chemical imbalance or light autism of some sort...

[The Financial Philosopher]

Dorian:

I absolutely agree with you that the natural progression for us is to learn and later teach to our young the skills necessary to "survive" in the world that we live in now.

This "survival" includes the indoctrination of social convention into our young.

Perhaps a broader point we could make is that we must go through this indoctrination and make the kind of mistakes that are necessary to make our own discoveries and grow accordingly.

The crucial factor that remains, though, is that we reach a level of self-awareness during our life time (hopefully sooner rather than later) where we feel confident enough to choose our own path.

As a parent, I will not necessarily tell my child that "the world is wrong" and that they should "resist the temptation" of social convention. I will, however, promote a kind of self-awareness that will hopefully aid them in finding their own way and actually learning from those inevitable mistakes...

That way, eventually, they will discover who they are by eliminating who they are not...

Thanks for the thought-provoking comment...

Kent

[Dorian Wales @ The Personal Financier]

Always a pleasure. My comments are a mere reaction to thought provoking posts.
I definitely agree with the self-awareness line of thought. I myself postponed my MBA in order to complete a BA in Philosophy first for precisely that reason.
I always hear people making plans for retirement when they’ll supposedly have time to complete that history or arts education they always longed for. They won’t go through with it today since it won’t get translated to cash flow and that’s a waste of time in their day and age…
I believe unlearning or deconstruction require challenges or system shocks. Those, in turn, require stepping outside of our little world (be it finances, technology etc.) and introducing ourselves to different schools of thought.
I’m anxiously waiting your next post.
Regards,
Dorian

[The Financial Philosopher]

Once again, Dorian, I agree...

My observations also reveal that unlearning or deconstruction often require "challenges or shocks" to some degree.

This may border on sadistic, but I believe that the greatest gift we could receive is a "near-death experience." This is the kind of shock that provides the kind of complete shift in perspective required to live a meaningful life...

Kent

[BW]

I have read every post on this blog but never commented until now. This is easily your best work yet. Ken Fisher, who manages $30+ billion, advises investors to question everything they know and look at the world with new eyes. Your post expressed this sentiment in a beautiful way.

[The Financial Philosopher]

BW:

I appreciate your generous comment and am humbled by your interest in TFP blog posts...

It is interesting that you mention Ken Fisher's philosophy to "question everything." Over the course of the past few years of studying philosophy and writing in this blog, I have learned that success in investing, personal finance or any other personal endeavor has little to do with the subject matter itself and everything to do with our self-awareness.

Since you have followed this blog, I imagine you have seen a progression from investing and personal finance topics toward self-awareness topics.

The deconstruction or unlearning process, I believe, is the foundation of self-awareness and this post may be a good base to build upon...

Thanks again for your thoughtful comment...

Kent

[Next Gen Politics]

That article was amazing. I never looked at it that way, but it's true so far. I'm 31 and as of now I completely seperate work and play, and have given up on many of my youthful dreams in pursuit of stability and social norms. Let the unlearning begin, indeed!

[The Financial Philosopher]

Next Gen:

Thanks for the kind words...

I believe ideas, such as those presented in this blog post, are already known to us all. We simply need to "uncover" them.

I hope to hear from you again...

Kent

[Chaussures Nike Air Max]

Every cloud has a silver lining.*

[leslie]

The timing of this post is uncanny. Thank you for reinforcing what has been present in my heart and in my head.